The Last Kingdom Episode 8

The Last Kingdom Episode 8

The Last Kingdom
Episode 8
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Average)

In A Nutshell

And so here we come to the finale. This is what weve been building up to ... apparently. The big battle. Although a lot of plot lines are tied up here, the show manages to undo the rather weak attempts its made over the course of the season at making us feel that tension and rivalry was growing. Were supposed to believe that the stakes were high, and that whatever the hell it is that Uhtred wants in life is coming his way eventually. Given the previous seven episodes, we should have expected it to throw in the cold water and damping any of us who joined in some of rallying cries of "No Mercy! No Mercy" during this show. When it was all concluded, one felt like saying "Mercy! Mercy!" as way of sarcastically telling the show producers that theyve once again tugged that carpet from underneath our feet. There were a few shockers along the way however ...

Things started off back at the marshland with Alfred and his current nearest and dearest discussing the next plan after last episode where they managed to kill some comedy Vikings and burn a whole fleet of boats with only 20 odd men. Given how well that went, Im surprised someone didnt mention Alfred just waltzing into Winchester by himself and taking everyone on! But no, they have a little dialogue and all agree that one big battle is the best way forward. Strange, I thought theyd all agreed that last episode? Hmmm.

Back in Winchester, Athelwold is spilling his guts so, hopefully, the Vikings dont do it for him. After some rubbish joking, he tells them that Alfred wont give up and believes in his god. In one of the most ridiculously stupid decisions since last weeks angry Vikings in the marshlands, Guthrum asks Athelwold to go into Alfreds camp and kill him for them. With absolutely no reason not to just say yes and then flee to safety, I dont really know what they were thinking or that any of them believed Athelwold knew how to use a sword, let alone do their deed. Just stupid plot-work here.

Meanwhile, Alfred and his gang are marching through some woodlands somewhere and find that the dodgy cowardly senior member in their gang has legged it. Did anyone not see that coming? Hed already pegged it last week when the Vikings invaded Winchester. Yet more horsing about follows as they now go on to Uhtreds former homestead and find that ransacked, burnt and people dead. Seeing a cross near the pond, Uhtred starts crying, and digging up the grave. Somewhat thankfully that he was right, although also sadly, it is his dead sons grave. This scene I found more disturbing than any of the questionable plot decisions in this show, but in a literally disturbing way. Sent shivers down me spine. Gross. Somewhat making up for his really bad discovery though, Queen Iseult comes to him later, literally as it happens, by sobbing over believing that saving Alfreds baby led to his babys death. Shes had enough of being a sorcerer, and so gets naked on Uhtred, who this week just agrees with her decision and they "get it on".

Someone we havent seen for ages, and greatly missed, is Odda Senior. Hes stumbling around his home this week, with Mildirth now his helper, and a nun! Didnt see that coming. Oh well, guess it sort of makes sense? Well, the helper bit does. Not sure on the nun bit. Anyhow, Odda Junior meanwhile makes "peace" with Skorpa the Viking, and offers him lunch and drink to which he accepts. Rather than come right away, hes going to wait for the next full moon, of which both must have access to Google Earth because they seem to understand exactly when that is without even the blink of an eye.

Because theres no such thing as smoking yet, Uhtred and Queen Iseult are caressing each other after their passionate sex, whispering sweet nothings etc before Iseult casually drops the bombshell to Uhtred that his sister is still alive, because Skorpa whispered it to her ages ago. Uhtred seems mildly surprised, rather than amazed or delighted at such news. I was dumbfounded. Why did Skorpa think to whisper that to her, and why did she leave it to now to tell him? Theres no real logic or explanation to this, much like most of the daftness in this show.

After sending off messengers with his rallying cry via letter, Alfred and gang (Although strangely just a few of them) head into Oddas home after hearing disturbing news of this truce with the Vikings. They cant believe its true. I cant believe anyone is stupid enough like Odda Junior to think itll work or last. Anyhow, Uhtred and Leofric met with Odda junior and have a little argument over whats happened, with Odda Junior asking Leofric to kill Uhtred. Mercifully, Odda Senior then stabs his son. Something that weve all wanted to happen for ages. I can believe one needed junior out of the way because he was completely too daft to have any power, but couldnt he have just arrested him? A distraught Odda senior pledges his army to Alfred, who rather unmercifully for him decides not to pardon Oddas son for his treachery.

More horsing about next as they all head off to a hill with some stones so to wait to meet the army hes summoned via his messengers. Disappointedly for Alfred, no one is there to meet him, but alas, not one viewer would believe its likely to stay that way for long. Athelwold, who was lodging at Oddas, bails out of killing Alfred in one of the most predicable moments in this shows brief history. Seconds later, the armies arrive and its time for the big battle.

Well, the CGI made it look big, and there was lots of blood, shouting and people dropping like flies, but in true "Last Kingdom" fashion, it was all rather brief, to the point that it didnt seem any more significant than any previous battle. The stakes were higher, because wed been told that, and they really tried to make everything seem so by knocking off some of the main characters during the battle. We had Iseult beheaded by Skorpa in order to taunt Uhtred, who then, in a series of moves superman would have performed, killed Skorpa. Leofric took a blow to the neck and was gone quicker than swatting a fly, but less dramatically. Iseults head was quite a "Yikes" moment but it was undermined by the ease to which Uhtred gained revenge. The manner of Leofrics demise was not worthy at all of someone wed been made to follow around for the whole series pretty much. There was great visuals in the battle and blood everywhere but it sadly lacked any real belief of the size, stakes, and the drama that it should have been built up to. If the death of Leofric and Iseult wasnt surprisingly enough, then the scene of Athelwold wielding a sword and killing three Vikings within 5 seconds was more of a surprise than everything this show had given us in the last 7 episodes. That disbelieving turn of a coward and useless individual into a strong sword-master really undid any drama the battle built up.

With the battle over, youd think we could maybe wrap things up rather nicely and quickly in the last few minutes left. Sure, it mostly went like that. Despite the pictures showing us that Alfreds men had pretty much decimated the Vikings, we got the voice-over telling us that a peace deal was struck between everyone by way of the prisoners they caught (Ragnor, Brida) and Guthrum was baptised, in another scene we could all see coming from a mile off. However, something I didnt see coming, given this was the finale, was that wed end up with a cliffhanger of sorts, what with the final scene showing and telling us that Uhtreds journey wasnt over and that he was now heading North perhaps, presumably to rescue his sister. Yup, no homecoming for him, or taking back his land, which youd assume Alfred would hand him on plate after all hes done for him. That didnt get a mention. The one thing we all sort of thought Uhtred was fighting for, but could never be too sure, what with the way his objectives changed like the wind, never came up for discussion. Worse still, this isnt the finale after all, because the ending suggests a second season. Talk about another bucket of cold water being thrown on us ...

What I liked

Epic visuals via CGI and the extra actors for the "big battle" as well as gruesome blood everywhere.

The return of Odda Senior, a much missed man due to his common sense and gravity. Although he somewhat oddly decided to just murder his son in front of everyone instead of, I dunno, just knocking him out?

Alfreds speeches were top notch throughout this episode and well acted.

Some sort of resolution at the end I guess. Sort of? Maybe.

A few genuine shocks; namely Odda Juniors demise and Iseults beheading.

What I Didnt Like

Theres so much mentioning, rather flippantly, of "humping" in this programme that I often felt like I was watching a porn movie. A very bad one at that.

The deserting senior ranking official for Alfred gave all the visuals of Dick Dastardly, and all the display of action that Mutley his dog would have managed.

Leofrics death just came across rather diluted after being such a senior character all series.

The "Big Battle" was far too brief for something that was of such significance. They tried, but it needed much more.

That "cliffhanger". It just made a mockery of the resolution with the Vikings, and us feeling that wed been building up to something, or anything, quite frankly.

Huh?

Is that second season I see there Athelwold?

Odda junior though the extra strawberry doughnuts were delicious

You have to ask yourself, what would you do if you were Uhtred?

Dear me, sadly this isnt other yet.

The midges were deadly at this time of the year

Athelwold must have been smoking magic mushrooms this week, because hes now a fearless sword wielder.

And Finally

Repeatedly this show has betrayed itself with questionable character behaviour and plot developments that completely dissolve any attempt (be it weak in this show) of making us care or believe something was significant. Tension is far too often wiped out in spectacularly bad fashion, leaving us the viewers, simply just admiring the brilliant costumes and visuals, and really clueless as to the direction anyone of the characters is taking, or where us watching it might be heading. Alfred, Queen Iseult and Odda Senior aside, very little of anyone else made any sense, and although even those three had their moments, they did at least have more ups than downs, and clearly much stronger performances than the rest of the characters combined.

And so the first series of the show ends much like my general feeling of the whole series, which is a shrug of the shoulders and the word "Meh!".

Rating: 5 out of 10 (Average)

download file now

Continue reading ...

The Last Kingdom Episode 5

The Last Kingdom Episode 5

The Last Kingdom
Episode 5
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Average)

In A Nutshell

In a plot development that sums up this show, the voice over introduction this week "by Uhtred" says that he doesnt trust his servant who runs his land for him. NEWS FLASH! Sure, he thought he was a dope, but he never showed any clear hint of not trusting him, or the servant being anything other than a mindless idiot. But this week were told he doesnt trust him, so it comes as little surprise when minutes later, the servant is helping Mildreth leave with young Odda and gives a menacing expression when they leave. I can sort of see this coming in the servants plot development but to have it so forced in our faces shows just how daftly this show seems to throw plot changes at us when it feels they better serve the story. Although thats questionable in itself ...

Remember Uhtred lighting that beacon on the hill as the fleet was arriving at the end of last episode? That nice calm water and lovely looking sea? Well, this week all hell must have broken loose, because its raining like its the end of the world. Seems its so bad that Guthrums fleet is largely destroyed without any attack beginning. Shame King Alfred didnt know that, as he divides his army; one for Guthrum. The other for Ubba. The latter camp out on a hill, which seems strategically ideal, but they didnt bring much food. Hard to know whether to laugh or cry at this point. Anyhow, after a rather Jeremy Kyle like exchange between Ubba and Uhtred as the two sides "negotiate", Uhtred comes up with a plan to sneak into Ubbas camp and set the ships on fire. Itll distract them enough so Odda Senior can lead an attack. Theres some plotting by Odda Junior to use the distraction to flee and some rather weak attempts to convince us viewers that Odda Senior would even contemplate that after giving Uhtred his word hed attack.

Uhtred indeed sneaks in, lights the ships all rather easily. But on way out, hes caught. Seems stupid, given he got in, had plenty of time to set ships on fire but stumbles into a guard on way out. This sets up a fight with Ubba who is livid with Uhtred. Showing just how dumb he is, Ubba has the fight, and is not playing any attention to the fact that the ships on fire might be a distraction, or that a 1 on 1 fight is a distraction in itself. Its neck and neck, until Uhtred gains upper hand, slices Ubbas legs and chest, before delivering the final blow. Seemed rather easy for someone whom Uhtred described as "the greatest warrior hes ever seen." Seconds later, in true convenient fashion, Odda and his men arrive and deal with the rest of the vikings.

Feeling good about his heroic acts, Uhtred leaves the dying Odda Senior, injured from battle, to go see Mildreth and his son, who he decides to sneak up upon in the woods, for some reason. Another convenient chance that shes alone in middle of nowhere at that time. They have a very happy conversation about all the good stuff coming their way from his great help at the battle to defeat Ubba. Yeah, you know this isnt going to go well. Sure enough, as they ride into Winchester, theres a big prayer service going on and Odda Junior has taken all the credit for the battle. Furious, Uhtred storms the church where King Alfred and all senior people are praying and rants at them like a banshee. That goes down like a lead brick, but a lenient Alfred decides against sentencing him to death, but instead to do penance. This means dressing up like a girl, and crawling through the street up until the king to beg for mercy. Joining him though is Aethelwold, who has been up to his usual drinking and sex mad exploits. Aethelwolds crazy but funny speech to the king about his love of tits saves Uhtred from making any mercy speech, but hes still not happy about it all. Why he agreed to the penance, and then storm off at how stupid it was, is slightly odd. He and Wife however return to their land, where upon they ride in as the servant is moving the remains of a tree to be sold. Not willing to accept such stupidity from the fool, Uhtred serves his own justice on him with his sword.

What I liked

Usual top production values, and great background music.

A very welcomed return for the waste-of-space but nevertheless amusing Aethelwold. Great speech about breasts.

Ubba versus Uhtred; long overdue. Deadly battle but shorter than anyone would have liked. And maybe too easy.

What I Didnt Like

Leofric, as one of the decent characters at least, is hard to really work out, as hes loyal one moment, jesting with Uhtred the next, and then plotting against the Kings ways.

The rather sudden introduction of the servant being untrustworthy. It was never really mentioned in such a way before, although he was an ass.

Odda is an obvious power hungry idiot, that its at least very easy to read how things are likely to go with his storyline.

I know the weather is rubbish in UK, but it doesnt go from calm seas to absolute havoc of a storm that quickly.

The attempt by the writers to have us even think that Odda Senior would not keep his word.

Huh?

The original M5

England; the only place in world that can go from calm seas to storms in seconds.

Sure he took out the guard, but no one else saw him throwing fire about?

And Finally

Not a lot to go on this week. We see little of any battles, but plenty of stupidity from Uhtred, and from the writers in several areas. Logic is not really par for this show, which long ago felt like theyd stretched it out at least 6 more episodes than they really had story for. There are very few characters that make any sense. Some classic idiotic characters, and the rest just really making things up as they go along it seems.

Rating: 5 out of 10 (Average)

download file now

Continue reading ...

The Last Kingdom Episode 3

The Last Kingdom Episode 3

The Last Kingdom
Episode 3
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Not OK)

In A Nutshell

Its all rather dull and as bleak as the English countryside on a winters day. And, still, the conversations and reasoning behind anything Uhtred and Brida discuss just feels loose and hard to fathom. Its not good viewing this week ...

Uhtred and Brida are still locked up as Alfred returns victorious and with the king as good as dead. Aethelwold comically moans, as he does throughout episode, like an annoying fly, although youd guess hed become more of a pest at some point if he doesnt get swatted soon. He missed out on the action, but thats just as well, as hed also probably be dead if he did. When Uhtred and Brida are eventually released, they discuss terms with the (almost) King Alfred with Uhtred is determined to get his land and status back (although dont they have the deeds in the vault anyway?). Alfred dispatches Aethelwold to a monastery and is anointed King as, for some reason, we see Uhtred having sex with Brida through one of the windows.

Ubba is unhappy that Guthrum led the battle with the Wessex army without him, but nevertheless, the king is dead, so its sort of not so bad. They eventually go to negotiations with King Alfred which are not really easy to follow in terms of who is getting what and who wants what, but at least it was a little amusing. The negotiations though sort of just end, and one is left to guess that no decision was made? I didnt see any agreement. Anyhow, Alfred assumes theyll be back and so has Uhtred agree to an oath to help train his army for a year. We dont see him agree to it, but its said later that he did.

A while later, Brida is approached by a messenger whilst collecting up Ragnor Seniors silver in the woods, and we later find out that Ragnor Junior is in town and wants to meet. A rather unconvincing "do I believe them?" dialogue from Ragnor Jnr later and everyone is hugging, with Brida agreeing to join Ragnor on the ship heading home, but Uhtred staying to honour the oath that he made with Alfred, of which everyone is very accepting, given it means hes training the enemy to kill vikings. All very odd and a pleasant atmosphere for such a screwed up set of logic.

What I liked

Just about the only thing thats positive and consistent with this show is that the scenery, atmosphere and costumes which are top notch.

Alfred continues to be just about the only person in the show with great presence.

The negotiations were entertaining.

Aethelwold is at least entertaining with his stupidity.

What I Didnt Like

Quite simply, its all a bit dull. Its hard to gauge the direction the show is going in and the wishy washy decision making between Uhtred and Brida is now so flakey and odd, that Im beyond caring what either of these two really think.

The Athelwold and Uhtred conversation at what must be a pub was just odd, but I guess it was there to fuel Athelwolds annoyance at Alfred and maybe as a tempter for Uhtred later.

The Ragnor Jnr meetup with Uhtred and Brida was ridiculously not tense, contrary to what they wanted to us to believe, as well as all very amicable despite Uhtreds oath to Alfred.

Huh?

Aside from the dullness of this episode, Bridas miscarriage is the most disturbing part this week.

Mushroom risotto this is clearly not.

Althelwold is the comedy relief in this show. Thats a pig on the left btw.

And Finally

Well, last week showed a little promise but this week it was very lifelike of the dull, cloudy and sodden winters in England. Uhtred and Brida dont show enough cohesive logic and belief behind their words, with all the other characters except Beocca and Alfred really feeling much like they are fillers without any substanance. Aethelwold at least provides some comedy but its all rather bland this week with little of any quality or note to recommend viewing.

Rating: 4 out of 10 (Awful, and just below even average viewing. As wooden as the scenery.)

download file now

Continue reading ...

The Last Kingdom Episode 1

The Last Kingdom Episode 1

The Last Kingdom
Episode 1
Rating: 5 out of 10

In A Nutshell

I was heavily drawn to this show due to my love of the History Channels "Vikings" show which weve had 3 seasons of thus far, and returns for a fourth soon. Can the BBC match the blood, violence and atmosphere of that show?

Yup, for the most part they have. CGI is used to good effect, without looking too ridiculous. Costumes and scenery are absolutely top-notch; equal to Game of Thrones and Vikings. The violence is slightly toned down though, with battles not getting too gruesome and any true sex, nudity or blood kept to a minimum in episode one, stopping just short of getting too gruesome.

The opening episode is all about setting the scene and story for the next seven episodes, and thus it skips along at such a pace to cover almost 30 years in 58 minutes. This chronological sprint only barely manages to work in this episode, before it really goes a little pear shaped in the last five minutes.

So, the show starts with young Uhtred at some community near York witnessing the Vikings coming ashore just down the coast. Everyone pegs it back to their wooden fortress and Lord Uhtred (his dad) sending some spies to keep a lookout but not to confront the Vikings. Of course, you just knew that the fact the Uhtred Senior made that implicit remark would mean itll go wrong. Indeed, back came the spy in head form, when the vikings deliver whats left of him to the front gates of the fortress and leave. They are like a really bad courier with the way they just discard the head. Shaken, Uhtred Senior decides to take an army of 30 men or so (seems to be much more later strangely) and makes Uhtred Junior the new Lord in waiting of their community. Seems the spy was his older son. Uhtred junior is dismayed when later he discovers his dad and men have left without him and goes after them on his own in a rather comical manner, grabbing armour and sword, and a horse. As his dads army get cornered and massacred by the vikings in a rather deadly assault (which goes on for five minutes but it feels like we dont see a lot of), Uhtred junior arrives too late. Somehow though, hes got behind enemy lines and a clear charge on the viking leader, Earl Ragnor (yes, probably the same one as in the other TV series). Ragnor senior (as he has a son of same name) mocks Uhtred junior but takes him prisoner, along with a few other women and men. In a viking hall nearby (that was created quickly!) they torture and do various other things to the prisoners which we also dont see much of. Uhtred junior instead is looked after by a blind elder viking.

Skip a few weeks and we have Uhtred the boy playing with other children, which goes a little bad when one of the boys assaults one of the girls. Ragnor senior isnt happy about this, banishes that family from his land, and takes out one of the boys eyes! Eeek. Ragnor senior really starts to grow fond of Uhtred the boy, who isnt really bothered about being with the vikings as there wasnt much love back home for him from his dad and his mum, who it seems wasnt really his mum. Dont know. Didnt get much explanation there. Anyhow, the father of the boy now with one eye goes back to Uhtreds wooden fortress home and tells Uhtreds uncle that his nephew is alive and could be ransomed for. We then get a ransom situation in the forest with the current Lord trying to buy back Uhtred. A priest who came to the ransom quietly warns Uhtred not to return and that his uncle would only kill him in order to rule the land. As the ransom is going nowhere due to a mismatch in price, for some reason, Ragnor Senior buys Uhtred instead from the other Viking, Ubba, whom he had a 50% share of the boy with. The ransom is over and Ragnor declares Uhtred as much of a son as his own son, Ragnor Junior. ooookkkkkkk. Sort of "get that" but the way its done during the ransom is just odd.

Skip twenty odd years now and we have a 20-something Uhtred and another young lady who was a former prisoner of the vikings, Brida, getting all loved up, whilst living with Ragnor and his gang. But, as they are recovering from some sex in the woods (which we dont see), they just so happen to see the one-eyed boys father and the boy himself, now a young man of course, heading for Ragnor seniors hall. They quietly trap Ragnor in the hall and set fire to it, killing everyone that tried to escape. Its quite a dramatic fire indeed. Ragnor himself escapes at the end in a ball of fire and fights his attackers until he succumbs to the flames. The one-eyed man has taken only one prisoner from Ragnors Hall, the same girl he assaulted as a child.

Uhtred gains some sort of revenge by sneaking into the wreckage of the hall and murdering (quietly) one of the people he recognises as a traitor and collaborator with his Uncle back home. Dont quite get the connection, but lets face it, it matters not really. Ragnors attackers try but fail to find Ragnors gold, but alas Uhtred and Brida know where it is and make off with it. BUT, not before they decide what to do next. Despite being initially abducted by the vikings, having no love for his real family, enjoying his time with Ragnor senior and wanting revenge on Ragnors attackers, Uhtred declares that hes going home to reclaim whats his. Yeah, I dont quite get that myself. I sort of understand it but its very weakly explained why he decided on this emotional turn. Anyhow, as thats essentially supposedly the outline of the whole series, its no surprise he decides this, but given hes been treated well by the Vikings, its hard to fathom why he would now be heading home. Possibly Ive missed something here.

What I liked

Great scenery, atmosphere, costumes and use of CGI. As good as any top-quality show.

Battles; well, we did have one for a few minutes, and it was well produced as a display of tactics and maneuvers but far too brief.

Vikings are a good laugh, with their customs and behaviour. The English in comparison really do feel lightweight and rather brain dead.

What I Didnt Like
.
Episode skips along at times in terms of time. Theres the obvious 20 odd year skip, and less so obvious smaller skipping of time. It mostly works but still doesnt feel all that natural.

Doesnt feel right with everyone communicating in English and not sounding even slightly like its ye olde English.

Lovely costumes but some look all too rather clean and tidy at times.

Theres some really basic and dull conversations in this episode and some rather bizarre changes of emotional pace, from young Uhtred laughing one moment when the Vikings were on their way. Young Uhtred was highly difficult to work out exactly how he felt about anything, saying he didnt like his dad one moment and then looking sad the next. His Uncle is even more odd to work out.

Rather basic storytelling.

Huh?

Its not hard to see why "we" lost battles when we look like were wearing fancy dress costumes.

... And so do we. This comedy moment, in all the wrong ways, just sums up sums up some of weak storytelling in this episode.

Uhtred, the now grown up one, returns home with Ragnors head to show his Uncle. Doesnt look too burnt does Ragnor?

And Finally

Its an ok start. Big in scenery, atmosphere and costumes, but weak in storytelling and any truly engaging characters. 

Ill forgive the skipping of time chronologically as this is supposedly setting the scene for the rest of the show. I cant forgive the rather weak dialogues and gravity behind all the non-Viking characters. 

Uhtreds decision making at the end was rather hard to completely fathom out but I hope for more clarity in episode two and possible a clearer idea of if hes planning to stay Viking or English.

Rating: 5 out of 10 (OK - average with hardly any memorable bits)

download file now

Continue reading ...

The Last Kingdom Episode 6

The Last Kingdom Episode 6

The Last Kingdom
Episode 6
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Average)

In A Nutshell

Things start off this week with Uhtred and Mildrith bickering like a pair of ... oh, they are married, right? Well, anyhow, its hard not to feel sorry for her, as Uhtred does another one of his random personality changes and this week is the obnoxious one once again, ignoring duty after last weeks embarrassment, and joining up with his mate Leofric to raid Cornwall. After five days of raiding, disguised as Vikings, they find nothing of any value. I could have told them that myself, and I live in Cornwall. Its the scenery were here for, not Gold Uhtred! Anyhow, whilst they are making their way down the original A30, they come across a priest and some Cornish soldiers (if you can call them that) who offer him a gift and ask him to visit their king, who needs their help to take back his fort thats been taken by some "Britons". 400 pieces of silver and a virgin queen later, and Uhtred is happy as Larry to do this for the Cornish King, until he sees that its some Vikings who have taken the fort. Quite how the Cornish could protect chickens or build that fort is hard to believe, or that the king has so much hidden treasure, as we find out. Anyhow, were along for the show.

For no real reason, other than a storyline change, the Viking leader suggests to Uhtred that they double cross the Cornish King to save anyone loosing any men. Alas, thats how it goes down, but the Viking doubles crosses Uhtred and makes off with the silver. But, wait. The shadow queen, come virgin, come sorcerer, knows where more silver is ... which is just outside the door under some hay. Right, and no one else even thought there was a ruddy great chest under there? Sigh. For some other reason, perhaps her beauty, Uhtred is really taken by her, even though shes done little but stroke his ear and tell him that hes the one. The one for what? No one knows. Uhtred doesnt care. He returns home with her, ditches his wife (after using some of the silver to buy off his/her debt to the church) and then heads back to Winchester in no time at all.

Sadly for Uhtred, what awaits him is essentially a kangaroo court. Hes invited in to speak to Alfred, but then gets read out a whole wealth of charges based on his illegal plundering of Cornwall, and a few other things that young Odda makes up on the spot, thanks to the angry Cornish priest swearing it did happen. Uhtred is sentenced to death, thanks to his pal Leofric seemingly spilling everything. A few shouts and rants later, and its turned into a fight to the death between him and Uhtred, with whoever wins having the backing of god.

What I liked

Usual top production values, and great background music, decent CGI.

Thanks to Aethelwold for providing the entertainment this week once again..

What I Didnt Like

Yet another skirmish that was over in seconds between Vikings/Cornish/Uhtreds men.

Uhtred is besotted by the sorcerer in record time. Shes hardly said a word.

As ever, this show seems to be so woolly and random, and the kind of randomness is Uhtred seems to change his mind, personality and opinion like the wind.

Huh?

Alfred is probably trying to work out the last five minutes of the show and how it ended up with a fight to the death.

Cant think why the Cornish were defeated in the first place, what with those weapons ...

"My Mind to your mind" ... Nah, wrong TV show.

And Finally

Its not that Uhtred isnt likeable, hes just impossible to figure out. Since episode one, its been impossible to work out his motives and logic. He really does seem to be making things up as he goes along, which would be ok if we were not short on episodes left. Theres no feeling that this is building up to anything or that Uhtred himself is developing as a charector. Hes just plain random and consistently inconsistent, as well as obnoxious. Once again, any real tension in this show from the trip to Cornwall is over so quickly, and unexpectedly, that its hard to feel like it was worth us going on the journey with him.

Rating: 5 out of 10 (Average)

download file now

Continue reading ...

The Last Kingdom Episode 7

The Last Kingdom Episode 7

The Last Kingdom
Episode 7
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Average)

In A Nutshell

Ridiculously, this episode starts off with Leofric and Uhtred moseying around the town, drinking and basically having some brotherly love. Yes, they were sentenced to fight each other to the death last week. Youve not gone mad. For some reason they have a last night of freedom, despite their treachery. Not even one guard watching them. Even Uhtred said hed thought about just walking away. But they have a little chin-wag and kiss-and-make-up, before the fight begins rather vigorously in the morning in the towns square. However, the Vikings attack shortly afterwards, in another very convenient way of ensuring both main characters live to fight until next week at least. Its a slaughter by the Vikings, with next to no soldiers defending the place, and not even a sniff that they were coming. What? We were led to believe that Alfred had a very sophisticated set-up but it appears there werent even any watchers on the front gate! To compound matters, everyone legs it in a rather disorganised manner, caring little for the king and his family. Uhtred, Leofric and the Queen Iseult (the Cornish Shadow Queen) hide out in town for the night, before legging it to the woods. Oh, and a nun that looks just like Julie Andrews from The Sound Of Music joins them along the way.

If you thought the Viking attack was a little convenient and hard to believe, then the trio bumping into, and saving Alfred & his family from a few Vikings in some marshlands will really test you. Yup, middle of nowhere, they are now all together with Alfred once again, hiding out in these lush and beautifully peaceful marshlands. Whilst there, we are subjected to Alfreds Wife being bitchy for most of the episode. Their baby son is very ill it seems, which along with Alfreds own ailments, is largely what we get to watch for large proportions. We all know its set up for Queen Iseult to work her "magic" and not only help out Alfred but also his son. One can believe Alfred would slowly accept her, and allow her to do what is needed to save his son, and shut his wife up, but along the way we have him downing her stomach potion without even questioning what it is, or having someone check it first. Sure, he looked like he was in pain, but given her Pagan ways, and most of everyone in the church calling her a witch, youd think hed do some basic checks first.

Sure enough, after much umm and errr-ing, he lets Iseult make some sand castles in the marshes and save his son. No potion in sight. Not sure if the baby was just a little cold or something, but she didnt appear to do very much, but alas, hes now fully healed. I can appreciate the fantasy and magic here, but we didnt see anything other than her waking up on top of her sand sculpture and saying the baby was fine. A few potions, chanting and her looking mystical over the baby wouldnt have gone amiss.

In a rare show of continuity, the Viking from Cornwall shows up with lots of ships to join Guthrum (Yes, I thought he was dead weeks ago) and Ragnor in Winchester. Using the weeds and marsh to their advantage, Uhtred and a few helpers taunt some nearby Vikings (who seemed to be just hanging around, doing nothing in particular), luring them rather comically to their deaths in the mud. Seconds later and their ships are on fire too. You know, with things going so well, its a surprise they couldnt have defended the town earlier! Anyhow, supposedly this was all done to help lead up to one final big battle to retake Winchester. Lets hope the battle lasts more than minutes, for once.

What I liked

Lovely scenery on the marshlands. Wading and running about within tall reeds is always going to look beautiful.

At least the Viking attack spared us someone dying between Uhtred and Leofric.

What I Didnt Like

The classic lead enemy to their death" in marshland, not original of course, but it was another cheap short battle. What was worse, was the horrendously cringe inducing way they taunted the Vikings and the Vikings own cartoon behaviour.

Alfreds Wife, shes just annoying and whining. Sure, she actually managed to convey a little genuine emotion this week, but she still far too often felt more like an obstructive bitchy old lady.

How did the Vikings attack that easily? Where were the watchers? The spies? The, umm, army? There seemed to be no one about.

The first thought when Vikings attacked seemed to be to flee. Everyone legged it, and didnt seem to give two hoots about where the king and his family were.

Alfred just drinks what the Elshet makes, just like that?

Leofric and Uhtred ended the previous episodes as traitors and enemies of the crown pretty much, and sentenced to fight each other to the death. This week they start of just nonchalantly walking about the town with the locals, no guards and a one night of freedom. What? That makes no sense to just let them do what they like for a night!

Huh?

How about, what is it? Or, having her try it first? Nope, he just drinks it.

Building sandcastles in the sun. Even as adults, this never gets old.

Its not blackbeard, thats for sure. This lot are the most stereotypical cartoon Vikings youve ever seen.

And Finally

This episode largely involves time for reflection, as skirmishes are typically brief, and tension and danger kept at arms length. This was all about down-time for Alfred, and creating a way for Uhtred and his new lady friend to build back up Alfreds trust by saving his baby son. There are generous helpings of convenient plot developments this week, and even more darn right daftness from numerous individuals.

Rating: 5 out of 10 (Average)

download file now

Continue reading ...

The Last Kingdom Episode 2

The Last Kingdom Episode 2

The Last Kingdom
Episode 2
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Its OK)

In A Nutshell

Well, this is no substitute whilst we wait for the new season of Vikings to begin. It does however fill a void perhaps in British TV with regards to swords, sex and blood.

Episode 2 is undoubtedly an improvement on the opening episode, as although time passes like, umm, sex in the barn (see the episode for this!), its not as crazy with skipping along the timelines as we had to endure last week. Not to worry, we knew we needed to set things up for the series and Uhtred trying to win his land back, so episode 2 should be where his mission starts, and certainly it did. We even get a 30 second "previously on this show" at the start with Uhtred voiceover, which is much more pleasant than watching episode one. Sadly, I could remember the gist of what had happened, and was painfully force-fed it again. Anyhow, how does this weeks episode go?

Mostly, this was an ok episode. As ever, the scenery, costumes and atmospheric conditions of England are brilliantly reproduced, although not that wed know for sure as none of us were around in that time. Regardless, it paints a very murky and somewhat primitive world which is absolutely gorgeous to watch. In fact, stick this show on mute and it probably feels a whole lot better because theres some absolutely ridiculous dialogue and ludicrous plot work once again.

Uhtreds return home is brief. He and Bridda are seen off by a few horses (with men on top). Not that Uhtreds too bothered. He just wanted them to know hes alive. Job done then. A tad later as they roam about somewhat aimlessly (they do that a lot here) they come across a ransacked village. Someone is shooting arrows at them but Uhtred creeps up on the visually scared villager whom Brida rather casually kills with an axe to the back. He certainly didnt deserve that. Regardless, this scene is there to inform us that theres a story going around that a pagan slave killed his Dane master and thus this village was ransacked as revenge by the Danes. Yup, they are talking about Uhtred. Back in those days the spin doctors had a job, huh?

Not really knowing what to do next, they decide to head to see Ubba, the other main Viking in this show, and I guess was colleague and pal to Earl Ragnor. During sex, as you do, Brida suggests they must take Ubbas sorcerer captive as some sort of safety bargaining tool if all goes to hell with Ubba. So, they go to where Ubbas army has recently decimated a town and just semi-walk through the town/city with Uhtred pretending Brida is his captive. Yeah, not sure how that helps him either. Anyhow, he gets all the way to where the sorcerer is in the castle. Despite him being alone, they do some stupid trick to capture him. Then, as Ubba is torturing the current King of this land, King Edmund I believe, Uhtred introduces himself. Ubba gets angry but then returns to torturing Edmund. A very odd passage in plot work here. Anyhow, Edmund is killed and then Ubba returns to chat to Uhtred, whom he doesn�t believe the truth from and is going to torture as well, but wait ... Uhtred tells him he has his sorcerer, so he gets away. He returns to Brida outside the town/city and they send a now naked and sexually tortured himself sorcerer back on a horse. What an ass ...

So, now they still dont know what to do. They want to see young Ragnor but hes in Ireland, so for some reason dont want to go to all that effort and would rather wait for him to return to England. Uhtred gets a sword made by a rather nice ironsmith in some village where he and Brida spend their time having sex for days whilst the sword is made. Then they have to leg it with the sword when they are attacked by some people suspicious of them. No one knows, and its hard to care, who sent those "bad guys".

Eventually, Uhtred decides to head to Wessex, as the last kingdom not yet captured by the Vikings. Seems hes completely forgotten that his priest friend from home, Beocca, told him to meet him there years ago. Weve not forgotten because weve seen the priest with the King of Wessex, Aethelwold, and his 2nd in line, Alfred throughout the episode. Yes, I suspect THATAlfred. The first in line is his nephew and spends most of his time drunk it seems. Anyhow, Brida and Uhtred ride into Wessex on horse, as the locals just watch them with concern, before getting to the gates of the main castle I guess and having a jostle for who is the best fighter with one of the guards. Its a stupid conversation which is ended by the priest turning up conveniently. Uhtred is welcomed into Wessex and meets with Alfred who makes a lot of sense but isnt sure if he trusts Uhtred despite priest vouching for him. We then see a short scene where Uhtred and Brida spy for Alfred on the Vikings, and then return to tell the king that those Vikings are likely to strike soon. Uhtred comes up with the likely plan the Vikings would have and where is best to do battle. The king is amazingly convinced enough to go have a look, whilst Uhtred and Brida are caged up for safety. Sure enough, as the credits are about to roll, we see the Wessex Army meet the Vikings just as Uhtred had predicted.

What I liked

As ever, this programme has great scenery, atmosphere and costumes.

Alfred is very impressive as a newcomer to the cast. Everyone else, as few as they are, less so.

Less Skippy chronologically this week and all the better for it. Easier to believe the plot development.

What I Didnt Like
.
Dialogue is still rather modern and daft at times.

Some lazy, convenient and Skippy plot work. The way some things happen seems heavily awkward and just daft far too many times. This stops the show being of any decent quality.

CGI mostly ok but during Uhtreds spying, the background scene looked more like a painting than real.

Huh?

Some rather childish conversation from Uhtred and the guards.

Kinky behaviour from Brida.

Yup, hes dead.

And Finally

Almost worthy of a 6/10 this week but the rather cheesy convenience and daftness of some of the scenes just lets it down. Much better though than episode one in terms of its pacing and logic. I somewhat doubt this show will reach any level of brilliance but its an ok watch thanks to its fantastic scenery, atmosphere and costumes ... and a little of a watchable story.

Rating: 5 out of 10 (OK - average with hardly any memorable bits)

download file now

Continue reading ...

The Last Kingdom Episode 4

The Last Kingdom Episode 4

The Last Kingdom
Episode 4
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Average)

In A Nutshell

Nudity warning this week. After another recap, we see Uhtred washing stark naked in a river and then being visited by Odda who is trying to dissuade Uhtred from his upcoming marriage which seems to have speeded up in terms of wedding planning like lightning since last week. Sure enough, in the space of the next 5 minutes, Uhtred is married to Mildrith (who apparently owns nearby land) and turns out to be quite a "looker" in Uhtreds eyes after all the chat beforehand was on who hed end up with. So staged was all this pre-wedding chat, youd be surprised if she was anything but pretty when revealed. He heads back to her home, Liscomb, with her and Leofric, whom he now seems to be best buddies with. What he didnt know was that hes inherited his wifes dads debt, which although hes unhappy with and says hell have words with Alfred about, he fails to really made much of a big deal about it in the end. Talk is cheap it seems.

Before he gets to meet Alfred again, things skip along what must be 4 months, as we see Mildrith bathing (nude) in a pond and looking as pregnant as they come. Either she aint all the pies in 24 hours or, as we find out, shes with Uhtreds child. In the blink of the eye, months have indeed past as we cut to seeing Uhtred and companions observing an army of Vikings moving through nearby woodland towards a town. Naturally no one else has noticed this mass ensemble of Vikings it seems, so Uhtred and his wife and bromance buddy Leofric head to Winchester to alert Alfred. One minute later and Alfred is agreeing with everything Uhtred says and he ammases an army to go help out the besieged town, if they arrive in time. They camp out nearby at nightfall, and come the next morning the fortress has fallen, but already been repaired by the vikings, so theres no point them attacking it seems. Its all rather odd and illogical at this moment in the show, more than any other time. Why did they stop so short, and how was the fortress, which looks very beefy, repaired so quickly? Ahh well.

In another plot twist that feels more like a way of making the show last more episodes than actually being interesting to watch, we learn that Ubba has buggered off to Ireland to avenge his brothers recent death, leaving the fortress theyd taken without enough Vikings to hold it. Ragnor and Guthrum are the two in charge so they agree for some reason to have a truce. Even though Guthrum feels let down by Ubba, he will wait for him to return. The truce is for a month, after Alfred refuses to budge from that time limit. Then there is an exchange of hostages, for some reason. Not necessary as far as I can see, but it happens, and just like Ubba leaving, it feels very much like a staged plotline whose only aim is so Uhtred can get inside information. Yes, hes one of the hostages. Something youd think the Vikings would think could only have a secret reason behind him being selected. Brida asks Uhtred, and he tells him its his plan to find out when Ubba returns, escape and alert Alfred. Its all rather bizarre that Alfred would think it would be easy for him to escape but alas he takes the chance. Along the way, Uhtred has fun and games with his best viking buddies Ragnor and Brida, before having a semi awkward moment over the different paths theyve taken in recent months. Still, it feels all rather nice and friendly considering one minute Uhtred is slaughtering Vikings and the next hes drinking with his buddies. Friends or not, youd think theyd have a problem with the fighting bit. Anyhow, one of the other hostage includes a priest, whose screen time beforehand suggested he might have been wearing a big "Kill Me" t-shirt on him. Especially when he tells Uhtred he thinks hes almost converted Guthrum to christianity, after whats been only a few weeks. Blimey, he must think hes a good teacher. You know that can only mean a grisly end for the poor guy.

Sure enough, news of Ubba returning is delivered to Viking HQ, and Guthrum orders all the hostages slaughtered, leading to Uhtred legging it, being saved by Ragnor/Brida, and thus being allowed to leave. He then enacts Alfreds plan and lights a beacon so quickly that a boy scout would be guaranteed a badge, so as to alert Winchester of Ubbas return.

What I liked

As ever, the scenery and costumes are excellent in this show. Top Production values, including the music. Even the CGI was up to scratch this week. The fortress and the ships on the sea were really gorgeous.

Alfred is head and shoulders above everyone else in this show for actually making any logical sense with his actions and words, but also with his fantastic acting.

What I Didnt Like

Still very wishy washy stuff going on with Uhtred and anyone. Sure, he might feel conflicted but its hard to really feel it in this show. All his dealings with Alfred, and his Viking friends come more across more as a whim than anything else.

The fact that Brida knew Uhtred was acting as a spy, and probably Ragnor too, didnt make them at least think he shouldnt be there with them? And what exactly was the point behind the hostages? It seemed to be made up merely as a plot point to get Uhtred inside the fortress and his reunion scene.

Huh?

The Priest crapped himself on news of being ordered to be a hostage.

No one wanted to tell her what she already knew, which was that the cloak had a wardrobe malfunction.

Uhtred was the butt of everyones jokes this week.

And Finally

Well, this show really fails to build on any tension by simply just talking about it, and then it turning into some sort of wet fish, full of illogical plot decisions and stupidity by characters. Everything is just "meh". Its not awful, thanks to the scenery and customs really setting the atmosphere, but its like a bowl of porridge thats been put on the oven ring on the lowest heat setting there is, slowly lightly cooking, rather than actually building to a boil.

Rating: 5 out of 10 (Average)

download file now

Continue reading ...